Travels with a mattress

Hello and welcome to issue 10 of the langeberger, the figurative finger on the pulse of the Lodge. Jislaaik, man, we’ve got news for you this time…But first we step back in time and let our fingers do some walking through the annals of South African history.

The Voortrekkers were pioneers who sought freedom from rules, regulations and taxes imposed by central government. They packed their belongings, extended families and provisions in ox wagons and headed east from the Cape to find new lands which they could call their own. They were resourceful people whose legendary adaptability is summed up by the phrase, ‘maak ‘n plan’ (make a plan). It’s said that the most treasured possessions of the men folk were: a good woman, a trusty rifle, strong oxen, the Bible (although not necessarily in that order).

Joy and I are pleased to report that the spirit of ‘maak ‘n plan’ is not only alive and well but much in evidence in our own dorpie (small town). Last night, after dark, we made our customary check on the estate before turning in for the night and we noticed an extra vehicle in our car park. Was it an ox wagon? No, I was pretty sure of that. Was it a car? Yes, we thought so, but with a large mysterious rectangular object attached to the roof. What could it mean? Taking my trusty Maglite with me, I strode off to investigate. A young woman got out of the car to meet me, leaving her male escort inside, at the wheel.

Hi, I said, what’s going down? – or words to that effect.

“Ja but it’s all right”, she said, “we’re staying with Mr and Mrs X (name omitted to protect the guilty) for the night”, pointing to one of our guest cottages.

How can this be, I thought, my brain working overtime, there’s only one king-size bed in the room. Are they….? And then I looked more closely at the large object tied to the car’s roof: it was a double mattress!

Unfortunately and in the nicest possible way of course, I had to rain on their parade. Afterwards at a top-level management meeting Joy and I formulated the following policy statement:

"We, the Management, wish to eliminate any possible confusion by stating unequivocally that guests are NOT required to bring their own mattresses. We are delighted to provide a mattress for every paying guest – at no extra charge."

We can’t say fairer than that.

Now, had our night visitors actually arrived by ox wagon, that might have been a different story - true to the legacy of the Voortrekkers, we would have been obliged to 'maak 'n plan'.

If you have been, thanks for reading our ‘blog’ and a “Happy New Year” to you.

Adios amigos,
Chris

Glug...glug...Gluck

Hello and welcome to issue 9 of the langeberger, your sociology primer on the unique sub-culture of the Lodge. Despite ostrich-like attempts to ignore Christmas, I have to acknowledge that it is almost upon us. Some of us are already experiencing that classic seasonal symptom of overindulgence, a dull ache in the region of the wallet caused by excessive bashing of the plastic.

What better way then, to lift our spirits, than to take a tour of the Robertson Wine Route and Breede River Valley? I believe Malcolm Gluck, the UK based wine writer, once observed that if he were a grape he would like to grow up in a vineyard near Robertson where soil and climate are ideal for making excellent wines. And was it not the French philosopher, Blaise Pascal, who wrote, "I drink, therefore I am."?

From Swellendam take the R.60 (Ashton road) and make for nearby Bonnievale (23km) and continue along the road to Robertson (27km). This must be one of the most scenic routes in the Cape, flanked with palm trees and colourful plantings of bougainvillea, cannas, jacarandas and agapanthus. Stop for a 'tasting' or lunch at some of the best wine estates in South Africa. Two of my favourites are:

Van Loveren: sit in their beautiful shaded garden and sample some fine wines.

Viljoensdrift: sample some more fine wines, choose your bottle, buy your picnic from their deli and enjoy both on an hour-long boat cruise on the Breede river.

Or if you wish to avoid driving and do several ‘tastings’ let us take you in the Lodgemobile on a custom wine-tasting tour, designed to suit your preferences.

Your chauffeur will remain sober as a judge throughout the tour. You can test this at any time by asking him to recite the following rhyme:

I’m not the pheasant plucker,
I’m the pheasant plucker’s son.
I’m only plucking pheasants
‘Til the pheasant plucker comes.

By the way, if you claim to have seen a pheasant on the tour you will definitely have had too much to drink!

Thanks for staying with us and reading our ‘blog’. As Dave Allen (remember him?) used to say, “May your gods be with you”.

Adios amigos,
Chris

There's life Jim, but not as we know it...

Hello and welcome to issue 8 of the langeberger, your anthropological anthology of everyday life at the Lodge. Today we delve beneath the surface to investigate a rumour circulating our town...

The word is going around Swellendam that there are some very hard-headed pigeons in the neighbourhood, “killer” pigeons that can break a window pane with nothing more than a butt of their tiny heads. I should know - I started the rumour.

To change the subject for a moment, some months ago I bought a catapult. My brother Richard and I each had one when we were boys and learned to shoot with them quite well. I soon discovered that I’m a terrible shot with a catapult these days. Do you know the safest place to be when I’m using a catapult? It’s right where the target stands, whatever I’m aiming at. I can almost guarantee that I’ll hit anything but my chosen target. So it was with the pigeon that had been annoying us with its coo-ing and clucking every morning for weeks, and you don’t know how much I need my beauty sleep – but let’s not go there!

Anyway, one day after the pigeon had started its early morning serenade, I decided to scare it. I tiptoed out of the house, catapult in hand, picked up a pebble from the drive, and looked for Mr Pigeon. He was there on top of the roof, looking straight at me. Very slowly I took aim, pulled back the elastic and let fly with the pebble. I continued looking at the pigeon, expecting to see the pebble land somewhere near it, hoping to scare it off the roof. Instead I heard the tinkle of breaking glass. The pebble had described a lazy arc about a mile below my point of aim and had gone through a pane of glass on our front door, leaving a small, jagged hole. I looked up to where the pigeon was, and do you know, I swear it winked at me before it flew off!

Well I couldn’t put with a broken pane of glass for very long, so I called a glazier to come and fix it. He arrived quickly and soon completed the repair. I just knew he would ask me what had happened to break the glass. But what should I say to him, I didn’t want to tell a lie? But on the other hand did I want the truth to out? It’s a small town, gossip can spread like wildfire.

Of course, he did ask me, and all I said was, “It was caused by a pigeon.” He said, “Jislaaik, man, I’ve never seen that before.” I just looked at him and shook my head knowingly. And so the rumour started…”killer” pigeons target the Lodge!

Anyway, before I have time to create more nonsense, I'd better say those words:

Adios amigos,

Chris

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Jislaaik (yes-like) Afrikaans: exclamation of astonishment or surprise e.g. "Jislaaik, man I've just seen Lord Lucan!"

*Boks 'R' Us*

Hello once more and welcome to issue 7 of the langeberger, the cutting-edge commentary on life at the Lodge. Today we continue our tour of the Swellendam area and focus on our local Game Park.

All photographs copyright (c) of Langeberg Guest Lodge

Bontebok National Park is about 6km from Swellendam town centre and it's certainly worth a stop of at least half a day. Visit this reserve and see Cape Mountain Zebra and Bontebok (a species of antelope) - both protected. View the large variety of plants and wild flowers (the best time is in April). Follow a short scenic hiking trail along the banks of the Breede river. If you wish to linger longer in the Lange' you could hire a rod and fish for river bass (a perfect excuse - if you need one - for doing nothing!). Need I say more.

Perhaps so: just a reminder to stop at Information and buy a day pass. Recently a couple staying with us unwittingly drove straight past (I had forgotten to mention the need for a pass). Minutes later they were headed off at the pass by two Landrovers, but it was smiles all round when the mistake was explained.

If you are still with us, thanks for reading our blog, and as a certain Governor of California (is he still around?) used to say, 'I'll be back...'

But for now it's time to utter those familiar words:

Adios amigos,

Chris

Bob Marloth and the Wailers

Hello again and welcome to issue 6 of the langeberger, our ongoing report on life at the Lodge. Today's posting features an attraction for visitors, within easy striking distance of Swellendam.

All photographs copyright (c) of Langeberg Guest Lodge

Marloth Nature Reserve (approx 3km from the town centre) is open to the public for a small admission charge. Here you can walk on winding nature trails in the scenic foothills of the Langeberg Mountains, see waterfalls, indigenous forest and fynbos, hear the call of baboons in the distance. There are fabulous views, so remember to pack your camera. The selection of trails encompasses short walks of up to one hour's duration to a full-on six day hike with overnight accommodation available.

In the next issue we'll continue our guide to the Swellendam area. But for now the moving finger has written and it's time to say those words again:

Adios amigos,

Chris

Where in the world are we?

Hello and welcome to issue 5 of the langeberger with fly-on-the-wall coverage of daily life at the Lodge. Today I want to step back so to speak and dwell on the bigger picture starting with our location in South Africa. It's true to say that most of our guests stay for only one night, they are passing through, on their way to somewhere else, which often turns out to be the Garden Route.
However, guests who have stayed at the Lodge for 2 or more nights and have explored the Overberg region have invariably found the experience very rewarding. (In future issues I plan to suggest some day-trips from Swellendam to help guests get the most from their stay.)

Why stay in Swellendam?

Situated mid way between Cape Town and George, Swellendam – the third oldest town in South Africa – is a convenient overnight stop for travellers following the Garden Route.

Attractions include:

Good restaurants
Historic buildings e.g. the Drosdty Museum
Art galleries and potteries
Attractive, tree-lined streets
Golf course

Joy and I are always delighted delighted to help guests choose a restaurant, or suggest some things to see and do in and around town.

Activities nearby include:

Walking
Horse riding
Golf
Fishing
Canoeing
Cycling
Bird watching

How to find the Lodge

Driving directions from the N2:

Take the exit signed “Swellendam West, Ashton, Worcester R60”. Turn right at the first 4-way stop into Voortrek Street – the main road through Swellendam. Continue past the Old Mill restaurant and Langeberg Academy on the left. Langeberg Guest Lodge is approximately 400 metres further, also on the left.


Co-ordinates:

Latitude: 34 1’ 50.4” S Longitude: 20 25’ 51.08” E

We guarantee you a warm welcome at the Lodge.

But for now it's time once more to say:

Adios amigos,

Chris

"They don't go and they don't stop..."

Hello and welcome to issue 4 of the langeberger, your candid chronicle of everyday life at the Lodge. I decided it's time to show a couple of photos of Joy and me: there we are posing astride a Harley softtail Heritage Classic. I like Harleys having owned and ridden (as opposed to just polished) an H-D Road King, but devotees of modern sports bikes sometimes say mean things about them. One Grand Prix wannabe in his one-piece track-day leathers once said to me, "...trouble with Harleys is they don't go and they don't stop!" I have to admit it's a good sound-bite, but all it means is they are not super quick and they won't stop on a sixpence. Sounds a bit like yours truly. Tell us something we don't know!

How did we come to be perched on the Harley? The bike and photo were courtesy of Ritchie, a guest from Scotland who had set himself the challenge of returning to motorcycling in his mid-fifties and what's more making his return in a foreign country. As if the adrenaline spike needed another boost he had psyched himself up to make a bungee jump from the Bloukrans Bridge at Storms River, Eastern Cape. I believe this is the longest bungee 'drop' in SA (aficionados may be able to confirm this). It may interest you to know that Ritchie's regular job is 'risk management'.

Well Ritchie, we hope you made it back to Scotland all right, and if you happen to read this, we'd love to hear from you.

Until the next time,

Adios amigos

Chris

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PS Joy has a story to share about bungee jumping:

"Some years ago - don't ask me how many - when my children were small we stopped near a river bridge whilst on holiday on the Wild Coast, Natal. We encountered bungee jumping for the first time and we watched for a while,fascinated. My husband and I returned to the car leaving the kids rooted to the spot. Later my son reported that he had observed the man in charge refuse to let someone make the jump. Why we asked, did he give a reason? Yes, said my son, the man said, "I know you, you're the guy who s**t on my ropes last time you were here. I'm the guy who had to clean it off. You must get your own ropes - you're not using mine!"

"Owls" at the Lodge...

Hello again and welcome to issue 3 of the langeberger bringing you once again the lowdown on life at the Lodge. Here are some more photos of our facilities plus reminiscences prompted by leafing through the pages of our Guest Book.

One comment that made me chuckle was from a guest from Israel who wrote in our book: "Excellent hospitalisation!" I wondered how I should broach this with Joy, who would be mortified if anyone suffered undesirable effects after one of her breakfasts!! On the other hand, his party of travellers had enjoyed themselves and to a man looked as fit as the proverbial butcher's dog, so I'm sure we are justified in saying that for "hospitalisation" read "hospitality".

Another linguistic slip which still makes me smile occurred during breakfast one day when a member of a party of Norwegians said,

"Chris, are you aware you have a problem with owls?"

"Owls? I haven't seen or heard any owls since I've lived here."

"Yes, there are some of them in our room this morning..."

And then it dawned on me...

"Ants" I said, "Do you mean ants?"

Which he did, of course. But in case you're wondering if we are supporters of Insect Relief at the Lodge, remember the acronym TAB. It stands for "That's Africa, baby!" And so it is. A quick spray of something nasty soon sorted out those ants.

Well, it's been nice talking to you again, and all too soon it's time to go.

Adios amigos,

Chris

The Lodge - Part two

Hello again and welcome to issue 2 of the langeberger, the ongoing saga of life at the Lodge. Today's posting continues to describe facilities and services available at the Lodge and aims to add a bit of human interest too.

Let's start with the accommodation for guests: we have 3 double rooms with king-size beds; 2 double rooms with twin beds, and a 'family' room with a king-size bed and 2 full size single beds.

All rooms are ensuite and have:

• tiled floors
• rugs
• reeded ceilings and wooden beams
• ceiling fan
• tea and coffee making facilities
• coffee table
• hairdryer
• TV and DVD player
• easy chair(s)
• dressing table (doubles as computer workstation)
• original artwork
• percale bed linen

Our bathrooms are spacious, light and airy, with:

• stylish basins and taps
• walk-in showers
• Egyptian cotton bath sheets and hand towels
• robe hooks
• duck boards
• terry cotton bath mats
• face cloths
• various soaps, gels and shampoos

The 'family' room has both bath and shower.

We make a promise to guests that: 'your room will be comfortable and spotlessly clean', and we (I should really say Joy) makes it her business that this standard is maintained. Appreciative comments in our Guest Book bear this out many times over.

Before I sign off I would like to give credit to friends and family who have helped with the project; they are:

Steve, my old mate from university days way back when: we made the headboards for the beds together.

Peter, an old school friend with whom I re-established contact via the Internet: we made the coffee tables together.

Richard, my brother, who helped me out with the building work when the going got tough.

Many thanks to you all: there will always be a welcome for you at the Lodge (not to mention a few jobs to be done!)

Well, that's about it for now.

Adios amigos,

Chris

Langeberg Guest Lodge

Hello, and welcome to my very first posting on my first web log: issue 1 of the langeberger. My subject today is Langeberg Guest Lodge our guest house in Swellendam, Western Cape, South Africa. Otherwise known as the Lodge.

But first some introductions: I'm Chris and my wife is Joy and as our blog develops over time more details of our lives will naturally emerge.

Currently I'm working with a web-site designer to get our own site up and running; the text is already written and the photographs assembled. So it's convenient to share some of the information with this blog.

I built the Lodge from scratch, having purchased the land in 2004. Building work commenced in February 2005 and we opened our doors to paying guests in November 2006, so we have just celebrated our first anniversary as a guest house. Joy and I run the business ourselves and live on the premises (guests stay in garden cottages, separate from the main house). We employ two maids and a gardener. Joy manages the domestic side of operations and cooks an excellent breakfast, while I alternate between the roles of host, waiter, washer-up and handyman. As Joy puts it, "There is no job description..."

We're proud of the facilities on offer here:

• Cape Dutch style homestead
• 6 garden cottages for guests
• salt water swimming pool
• lapa (covered poolside shelter)
• landscaped gardens of indigenous plants
• braai (barbecue) area
• secluded seating areas
• secure off-street parking

I look forward to writing more about life at the Lodge in future 'postings'. So until next time it's:

Adios amigos.

Chris